Extreme tiredness X_X

I'm so super tired. Its been such a long time since I last sleep through the night. Not having enough sleep everyday. I feel like I'm wasting very fast. Feeling like my "battery" level is reaching the thin red line.

The night before, Yuxin kept waking up every 2 hour. Yesterday night, she woke up at 11.30pm fussing again. I was already super tired from the night before's torment. I latched her on, and placed her on bed as usual, thinking that she had fallen asleep. But she was so unsettled and started her fuss again. I latched her again, then placed her in yaolan this time thinking it might help her settle down since I am so super tired to coax her. But she kept fussing and crying. And then I took her off yaolan and tried rocking her to sleep. But she kept struggling as I carried her. This continued for 1 hour and she was still not asleep yet. I was so tired and frustrated. Hubby was outside with his campmates, I called him, no one picked up. I redialled and redialled, I think more than 10 times and when he finally picked up the phone, I wanted so much to tell him I was so super tired trying to make baby sleep. But instead I asked him what time he'll be coming back, baby is notti, only to get a reply "I'm coming back soon". Soon? How soon? Half and hour? One hour?

I cried after I hanged up. Frustrated and tired. I cried to Yuxin, asked her to sleep as mummy is tired. She looked at me in the dark, as if understanding me, I carried her in my arms on the bed and she finally fell asleep at around 1am. Hubby was back in time... after all the ordeal...

I have been doing quite a bit of online purchase. Online shopping seem to be a way of helping me destress. It somehow helped me not think of the tiredness in me, keep me awake in office and keep my spirit high while looking for good and useful buys.

I recently ordered an ergo carrier that many mummies raved about, despite that I have a Bjorn carrier. Total damage $177.50 including a sucking pad. Hubby will be away for a very long time in a few months' time, so I thought it will be better if I get a good carrier so I can bring Yuxin out alone and not get backache or shoulder ache when he's not around.

The thought of him not around for 4 months makes me doubly sian. Now I try to do everything myself so I'll get used to it when he's not around. Cleaning and washing up the toys during weekend, coaxing baby to sleep, etc. So I don't really mind when I'm busy with the cleaning, washing and coaxing while he's playing his online games. Sometimes when he offered to help on cleaning, I'll reject or rather him to play with Yuxin instead. He won't be around in another few months' time, won't have much time to bond with Yuxin and I'll be doing these myself anyway.

Sigh... All I want for birthday is sleep...