Hubby will be back from Germany today.
Whether the family will break up or make up.
I think today will be The Day.
Ah nio, please give us your blessings.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Friday, October 02, 2015
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Deja vu
It felt so deja vu.
Only it feels like we are switching role which happened 9 years ago.
And I clearly remember sitting at the bench of Kallang River and he told me he's confused and he don't know if he still loves me. And how my heartache. And how I eventually gave him the love he needed to recover although the hurt was so much for me to bear.
And now its my turn to be confused because for quite some time back I started to doubt if I still love him. Because most of the time, its just me and the kids. Because everyday we talked for less than 10 sentence. Because watsapp is only sent when we need to tell each other essential information. Because we have such different thinkings. Because I feel the drift and aloofness. Because sometimes I feel so down and lonely. And I think I have depression. And its the kids that keeps me going.
I remembered he told me, "Pls stay beside me, only you can help me to recover"
I dunno if I'm lucky enough to receive the love from him like how I gave him the love to recover 9 years ago.
But God is fair. She gave me 2 lovely kids who constantly reminds me how important I am to them. Maybe God knows I might not receive the love from him to recover. She gives me the love in another form to keep me strong.
Yesterday, I chanced upon a FB account posting alot of strong and positive paragraphs. And I suddenly felt a sense of calmness although some of the wordings made me cry. Like :
Sometimes when I say I'm OK,
I want someone to look me in the eyes,
hug me tight and say
"I know you're not"
And the paragraph which left me the deepest impression:
A man is strong when he has something to protect.
He is weak if he has nothing to protect.
And he is totally broken when he has something that he can't protect.
Couldn't agree more.
Only it feels like we are switching role which happened 9 years ago.
And I clearly remember sitting at the bench of Kallang River and he told me he's confused and he don't know if he still loves me. And how my heartache. And how I eventually gave him the love he needed to recover although the hurt was so much for me to bear.
And now its my turn to be confused because for quite some time back I started to doubt if I still love him. Because most of the time, its just me and the kids. Because everyday we talked for less than 10 sentence. Because watsapp is only sent when we need to tell each other essential information. Because we have such different thinkings. Because I feel the drift and aloofness. Because sometimes I feel so down and lonely. And I think I have depression. And its the kids that keeps me going.
I remembered he told me, "Pls stay beside me, only you can help me to recover"
I dunno if I'm lucky enough to receive the love from him like how I gave him the love to recover 9 years ago.
But God is fair. She gave me 2 lovely kids who constantly reminds me how important I am to them. Maybe God knows I might not receive the love from him to recover. She gives me the love in another form to keep me strong.
Yesterday, I chanced upon a FB account posting alot of strong and positive paragraphs. And I suddenly felt a sense of calmness although some of the wordings made me cry. Like :
Sometimes when I say I'm OK,
I want someone to look me in the eyes,
hug me tight and say
"I know you're not"
And the paragraph which left me the deepest impression:
A man is strong when he has something to protect.
He is weak if he has nothing to protect.
And he is totally broken when he has something that he can't protect.
Couldn't agree more.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Its OK
I cried in front of Didi today.
"Why you got tears?"
I wiped away my tears and asked for a hug from him.
Gave me a hug spontaneously and said "Its OK. Later your tears come out again ah..."
Thank you Didi.
Really.
Its OK.
For you, for Rainie.
Its OK. Nothing else matters.
因为你是我持续心跳的唯一理由
"Why you got tears?"
I wiped away my tears and asked for a hug from him.
Gave me a hug spontaneously and said "Its OK. Later your tears come out again ah..."
Thank you Didi.
Really.
Its OK.
For you, for Rainie.
Its OK. Nothing else matters.
因为你是我持续心跳的唯一理由
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Aloofness
Everyday, I hug and kiss the kids like its my last hug and kiss to them.
No one knows what will happen later.
No one knows what will happen later.
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