Thank you

Dear Raymus, thank you for always being so sweet.
After jiejie has slept just now, you waited for me outside the toilet door while I was applying the steroid cream on my eczema. I asked you to go ahead to sleep and you told me jiejie slept already and you wanna give me a massage.
I squated down and you grasp my shoulder with your small hand, squeezing them firmly and doing the punching motion gently but with some force. I see you looking sad and asked why you look sad. You said because I need to do so many things. "Like help jiejie find her things just now and you got so many rashes."
I was very touched. My tears started rolling in my eyes. You are so young but you are always so sweet and sensible.
Last month when we were at Tokyo. It was already very late. Jiejie was already sleeping like a pig and daddy went out to the laundromat coz there isn't one in the hotel. I was washing the socks in the hotel toilet. I know you were very tired but you insisted on acompanying me and wanting to help me. You were very happy to be able to help when I told you that you can just help me by pouring a bit of soap on the smelly socks that are in hands. It warms my heart as you were standing beside me, trying to help me. You are 6 years old but always so nice and sweet.
Sometimes i still felt very depressed. There were time when I felt like giving up. Sucked in the dark hole again. You are the one in my thought that I can't bear to let go. As always, you are the one who I push myself to be strong.
Thank you didi... mummy loves you alot. Really alot alot alot...

Did u slept well?

It warms my heart when my son comes to my room and lays beside me in bed every morning ; and then ask "Mummy, did u sleep well yesterday night?" when he sees me awake.
We both have eczema and he have itchy difficult nights like me. I have never asked him such questions. It's so sweet and sensitive of him to show such love and concern at such young age, I felt so guilty.  ;)

Dear son, thank you for telling me "Mummy, I love you soooooo.... much" everyday and every night. Thank you for giving me self-worth when I'm in doubt of myself.

As I always tells you, I love to the universe and deep under the ground.

Godsend

Thank God for sending me Angel.

He who does funny things to make me happy.

He who hugs me for no reason everyday.

He who tells me - he loves me more than I love him. 

He who reminds me to wear a smile and says I look so pretty in it.

He who still accepts me for who I am even though I snap and throw temper at him.

He whose innocence brings me to earth and gives me sanity when fighting the depression monster. 

Raymus dear, thank you for always being by my side.

Like a godsend.

Thank you for frantically looking for tissue when you see me tears. 

Thank you for your generous hugs when I needed one. 

For you, I stay strong.

For you, I am still alive and in existence. 

Thank you my little Angel.

Love you to the moon and back million, billion, trillion times (as you always say),

Mummy 

I miss me

There's time when I feel so down,
I wished end of the world happens now.
I just wanna be wrapped in a shell,
Or just be alone in some dark hole.
Who can decifer the sadness behind my smile,
Or the loneliness even when friends are around.
Why is the day so gloom when the sun is burning,
Why am I tearing together with the sky when it's raining?
When oh when, will my old self be back.
Please oh please, I really miss the old me.

...

It feels so real as you put your arms around me.
The sense of security and infatuation is so strong as I stand beside your warm body.
I felt butterflies in my tummy like during the sweet courtship.
The feeling of love and being in love which I have long lost that feeling.
Although it was just for a short moment which I woke up from it.
Thank you for appearing and holding me.

The Day

Hubby will be back from Germany today.
Whether the family will break up or make up.
I think today will be The Day.

Ah nio, please give us your blessings.

Biggest joke of the year

Strong troop. Shattered family.
Biggest joke of the year.